<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Love At First Sight by RensSaxophone</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29996514">Love At First Sight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensSaxophone/pseuds/RensSaxophone'>RensSaxophone</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Uta no Prince-sama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Car Accidents, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage, Memory Loss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:14:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29996514</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RensSaxophone/pseuds/RensSaxophone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tokiya wakes up in a hospital with no memories and an attractive stranger sitting in the chair by his bed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ichinose Tokiya/Kurosaki Ranmaru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love At First Sight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Tokiya wakes up, all he can register is discomfort and pain. His head is splitting, it feels like his entire body is locked up in its stiffness and it feels like he’s been run over by a truck. When he blinks himself awake, it hurts. The lights are blinding and everything is so… white. </p><p>It takes Tokiya a very long moment to understand that he’s in a hospital because he can’t comprehend how he’s gotten himself there. He tries to remember what could have led up to this, but all he can manage to think of is how much his head hurt. His panic starts to flare as he tries to pull up specific memories, and it’s worse when he can hardly pull up his own name. </p><p>It comes to him slowly - his name was Tokiya. </p><p>His last name is evading him. </p><p>Ichi...nose? Something about that doesn’t feel right, but Tokiya hits a wall when he tries to think further. Tokiya tries to sit himself up. He can’t help the pained groan when he does. </p><p>He catches the attention of a man on his phone. He’s dressed down in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, his grey hair shaggy and messy, almost like he had had just rolled out of bed. He’s pale and the bags under his eyes are striking against the nearly sickly color. His grey eyes are shadowed and almost unfocused as he looks through his phone, but they almost brighten when his attention snaps to Tokiya. He looks unwell, but underneath it, its clear how attractive the man is. </p><p>If love at first sight existed, Tokiya thinks that this is it. </p><p>But when the man stands, Tokiya wonders why he’s here. Tokiya’s first guess would be a doctor- but why would the doctor stay in his room? And he’s not dressed like medical staff, either. </p><p>“Toki?”</p><p>Was that his name? Toki feels uneasy when he wonders if he actually has forgotten his name. </p><p>TokI’s voice is croaky. It feels like he hasn’t spoken in some time, and his throat feels tight as he does. “Are you a nurse?” The man’s face falls, and the expression truly is heartbreaking, but Toki can’t connect the dots. “...A doctor? I’m sorry. I don’t mean to offend you.”</p><p>The man swallows hard, and his eyes flicker across Toki’s face, almost like he wants to look away from Toki but he can’t. </p><p>“No.” The man’s voice is deep. If it weren’t so strained and laced with pain, Toki thinks that it would be nice- if a bit harsh. His eyebrows lower, casting a shadow over his eyes. “‘M your husband.” </p><p>“My… I’m… married?” Toki’s eyes widen, but then his eyebrows furrow. </p><p>The man sits back down in the chair, his shoulders slumping. His eyes are still fixed on Toki’s face. “The doctor’s said memory loss was one ‘a the symptoms of your accident.”</p><p>“...Accident?”</p><p>“Sorry.” Toki’s <i>husband</i> finally glances away from Toki’s face. “But yeah.” His hand lifts, covering his mouth for a moment, his eyes closing, before he finally pulls himself together to look at Toki again. “You were hit by a car, walkin’ home about… two months ago.”</p><p>“Two months?” Toki’s mouth feels dry.</p><p>Toki’s husband nods. </p><p>“What is my last name?” Toki’s voice rises, showing his anxiety. While not the most important question he could ask, it was one that was bothering him. </p><p>“Kurosaki.” He grunts. “Used ‘t be Ichinose, ‘til we got married.”</p><p>“Ichinose…” So Toki wasn’t entirely wrong. “Toki Kurosaki?”</p><p>“Tokiya.” He corrects. “Legally. <i>I</i> just call you Toki.”</p><p>“...And you?” Tokiya’s voice gets softer, worried about getting another hurt look. He knows that his husband wasn’t trying to make him feel worse. </p><p>Tokiya may not have memories, but he can still think through ‘what-if’ situations. And to imagine having a husband that couldn’t remember you hurt Tokiya, too. </p><p>“Proof.” Tokiya blurts out before his husband can begin talking. “I… want proof. Too. That we’re married.”</p><p>The man pulls his phone out- there doesn’t seem to be any surprise with Tokiya’s question. Like he was expecting it. “My name’s Ran. ...Ranmaru, I guess, but… ‘s the same as Toki.” Tokiya watches as Ranmaru approaches him with his phone. There’s a picture pulled up of what was clearly a wedding day, and it <i>was</i> Tokiya at the alter. </p><p>Or a very suspiciously similar looking man, Tokiya supposes. But he thinks that it’s safe to assume that it’s probably him. </p><p>“Was I in a coma?” Tokiya asks his question carefully, though he still hasn’t let go of Ranmaru’s phone. He slowly swipes on the picture, to show the next one- though this one is a picture of Tokiya, too, albeit not with Ranmaru. In the picture, Tokiya is holding a pure black cat. </p><p>Ranmaru’s answer comes slowly. “For about a month you were.”</p><p>Tokiya looks up at that. “A month? What happened to the other one?”</p><p>Ranmaru winces- it seems like a reaction he can’t quite contain, but Tokiya feels a spike of panic flash through him when he notices. Ranmaru’s voice is soothing when he speaks., trying to calm Tokiya. “Hey, it’s alright. Don’t get yourself worked up, okay?” Ranmaru sighs, the corner of his lips turned down into a frown. “...It’s been like this every day. ...Real similar questions. Real similar conversation.”</p><p>“I… Is… is the memory loss really <i>that</i> bad?” Tokiya’s voice shakes. “I could hardly remember my name.”</p><p>“It’s bad.” Ranmaru’s voice breaks, but he stops to clear his throat, trying to get himself together. “You’re goin’ home with me tomorrow. ...Today yer startin’ an experimental medication, too.” The flash of pain on Ranmaru’s face disappears quickly. “You’re never gonna get all of your memories back- but they’re hopin’ these meds might help you start rememberin’ things again. ...You comin’ home is a… trial period. If it gets bad, I’m gonna have to bring you back here.” Ranmaru’s eyebrows lower again. “But if the meds start workin’, bein’ around familiar things should help you more than bein’ in a hospital.” Ranmaru’s eyes close. “‘N you ‘aven’t been up long enough for it to hit you… but you’re miserable in ‘ere. If you can be safe at home, I’d rather you be at home, too.”</p><p>“I don’t like the needles. “ Tokiya admits. “They’re freaking me out.”</p><p>Ranmaru gives a half-hearted smile. “Y’still sound like yerself at least.”</p><p>When Ranmaru sits back down, he leaves his phone with Tokiya. Tokiya’s voice is soft when he speaks again after a long moment, staring at the phone screen but not really seeing it. “You don’t look very well.”</p><p>“It’s been rough.” Ranmaru sighs. “It’ll be easier when you’re back. ...I like watchin’ over you myself. ‘Less stressful than knowin’ you’re not doin’ so hot ‘n trustin’ other people with makin’ sure you’re okay.”</p><p>“...Have you been here everyday for a month?”</p><p>“...Two. I don’t like leavin’ you alone. But I don’t wanna get you upset.”</p><p>“What does it matter?” Tokiya mourns. “I’m not going to remember it.”</p><p>“Somethin’s gotta give.” Ranmaru is trying not to sound uncomfortable, but he can’t fully hide it. “But if I’ve gotta spend every mornin’ calmin’ you down ‘n helpin’ you remember what’s real, I will. ‘N sickness ‘n in health, Toki.”</p><p>“I’m… shocked.” Tokiya turns his head as his eyes burned. “...I… feel like I should be more suspicious. Or that I should have been.” Tokiya gives a shaky smile, though he still isn’t looking at Ranmaru. “I felt strongly for you just looking at you. ...You could leave.” Tokiya’s smile falls. “You could go find someone else and you wouldn’t even hurt me to do it. ...How do you stay?”</p><p>Ranmaru’s voice is so quiet. “It’s not even a question. I’m never gonna leave, Toki. ‘Less you really want me to- I would never. ...If you’d’ve…” Ranmaru has to spit out his next word, “<i>died</i>...” Ranmaru flinces. “In that accident, I wouldn’t have found anyone else. The only way I’m ever gonna leave is if I don’t have a choice. ...I won’t say it’s worth it, ‘cause you’re hurt ‘n this is upsetting for you, rightfully so. But you’re alive. ‘N you’re here. This ain’t even <i>annoyin’</i> Toki, if I can help you then I’m gonna.” Ranmaru runs his hands over his face. “...Do you think it’s gonna help ‘r hurt you if I bring you home? Do you think you’re gonna panic, not bein’ in the hospital? If you wake up ‘n don’t know who I am?”</p><p>“You have proof.” Tokiya’s voice is tired. Weak. But he finally looks over at Ranmaru again. “And I was honest when I told you that I looked at you and…” Tokiya turns his face away, but this time he’s going red. He lifts a hand, trying to cover his blush. “I thought it was love at first sight. I didn’t know what it was about you, but it was so immediate.”</p><p>If Tokiya weren’t hiding his face, he’d see how soft Ranmaru’s expression has gotten. “If it ever gets too much… I don’t like bringin’ you back, but I’m gonna do what’s best for you.”</p><p>“...Why only now?” Tokiya asks softly. “Why not try to bring me back before now?”</p><p>“...’S partly the meds-” Ranmaru answers slowly. “But they can’t keep you in the ICU forever. They’re gonna move you ‘t you a different wing. One ‘a the places they care fer head injuries ‘n dementia. Alzhemier’s ‘n stuff. If that’s what would keep you safe, then of course I’ll do it- but I wanna keep you.” Another flash of pain crosses Ranmaru’s face. “I’m not gonna be able ‘t stay with you in that ward the way I can now. The way I can if I bring you home. ...I want that ‘t be the last resort.” Ranmaru’s smiles, but it’s still edged. “I’ve been tryin’ to keep you from gettin’ too worked up, but I think the thing you’ve yet ‘t fight me on has been when I tell you we’re married. ...You’ve told me before. That it’s felt like love at first sight. ...Makes me glad ‘t hear it everytime, too.”</p><p>Tokiya manages a weak smile, but he only holds it for a few seconds before he lets it drop as his eyes close. “I’m… sorry. I think I need to rest for a minute.”</p><p>“‘Course. You want me ‘t get a nurse for pain meds ‘r anythin’?”</p><p>“I can handle it.” Tokiya’s eyes open again, staring at the ceiling. “Is… is it when I fall asleep? That I forget?”</p><p>“Sometimes.” Ranmaru’s tone is grim. “But not always. Think there was one stretch of about three days where you remembered everythin’ that happened between ‘em. Sometimes if you take naps you’ll wake up confused. But that’s not a reason ‘t force yourself to stay awake, alright? If you don’t feel good, sleep.”</p><p>Tokiya swallows hard, almost nervous to sleep- but he does end up closing his eyes.</p><p>Tokiya is woken up, but when he looks at Ranmaru, there’s recognition- and then he feels his eyes fill with tears that he can only just blink back as the nurse starts fiddling with the medication. Tokiya notices that there’s a bit of something that almost looks like guilt on Ranmaru’s face, and that panics him. Ranmaru’s expression evens out when he notices that Tokiya’s watching him. </p><p>The nurse finishes administering the medication and then leaves without a word to Tokiya. </p><p>“They don’t talk ‘t you much.” Ranmaru grumbles. “It pisses me off, but you’ll be outta the ICU soon.” Ranmaru stands, but then his expression becomes a bit cautious- only for a second. His expression softens when he notices Tokiya’s tears. “What’s wrong, Toki?”</p><p>“I don’t… I don’t <i>want</i> to forget you.” Tokiya’s voice breaks. Ranmaru reaches out carefully, but when Tokiya doesn’t react, Ranmaru presses his hand to Tokiya’s face gently. </p><p>“I know, Toki- but it’ll be alright. They gave you yer first dose ‘a the meds. …’M sorry ‘t say that it’s gonna be a shot every other day, though, Toki- there’s no easier way ‘t take it.”</p><p>“...Am… but… I’m… I’m still getting out… right?”</p><p>“You are.” Ranmaru assures. “I’ll be able ‘t handle the shots.”</p><p>“Then that’s good.” Tokiya gives a very short nod, but he’s still on the edge of tears. Ranmaru keeps his hand on Tokiya’s cheek. </p><p>“I know it’s hard.” Ranmaru mumbles. “Somethin’ll give though. …’N even if it doesn’t.” Ranmaru's teasing smile is weak. “I won’t let you forget me, yeah? I’ll keep remindin’ you. ‘S long as I need to.”</p><p>Ranmaru wipes the tears off of Tokiya’s cheek with his thumb as they fall, his eyebrows pulled in. </p><p>“I don’t remember anything.” Tokiya’s voice breaks. “I don’t remember how we met. When we got married. How long we were together- I don’t even remember how you act, Ranmaru-”</p><p>This time, Ranmaru stays quiet, unsure of what to say. Of how to reassure Tokiya. Tokiya’s hand shakes when he lifts it, but he presses Ranmaru’s hand to his face. </p><p>“...I don’t know anyone else.” Tokiya whispers. “I don’t remember anyone else in my life. I must have parents, but I have no memory of them. If I have any friends I don’t know them… You’re… you’re all that I know? And if I forget you again… it’s like being alone…”</p><p>“Yer not gonna be alone.” Ranmaru’s voice is almost lost. “‘Cause whether ‘r not you remember me, I’m not gonna let you be alone. ...You do have some friends. They visit- not as often as I’m ‘ere, but they still come by ‘t make sure you’re doin’ okay. ‘N if this medicine works then you’ll start meetin’ ‘em again, ‘n hopefully you’ll remember ‘em better. You’re <i>not</i> alone. I know it’s a scary thought, Toki, but yer not.” Ranmaru’s eyebrows pull in. “Just hang in there, okay? The best you can.”</p><p>Ranmaru stays standing by Tokiya’s bed until Tokiya finally gets tired of holding Ranmaru’s hand to his face, and even then Ranmaru takes a long moment to let go of Tokiya. </p><p>“...When do you have to leave?” Tokiya’s question is so soft. </p><p>“‘M probably sleepin’ in ‘ere tonight, if you’re leavin’ tomorrow.”</p><p>“...Have… <i>how</i> often do you sleep here?”</p><p>“Not often. Usually I get ‘ere in the mornin’ ‘n I stay ‘til you fall asleep- it’s been pretty early fer a while… think I leave about seven ‘r eight? You don’t normally say it, but I know you don’t like it when I leave while you’re still awake, ‘n I can’t blame you. Hospitals suck.”</p><p>Tokiya manages a smile, but it flickers. “I… Maybe I should stay awake… Wouldn’t it waste time, if you have to reexplain everything tomorrow morning?”</p><p>“If I’ve gotta reexplain everythin’ I will. You shouldn’t keep yerself up. Yer memory issue is your longest lasting problem- but you’re not <i>completely</i> healed. ...You were hit by a car, babe. You’re still physically recoverin’, too. You’re restin’ as much as you are ‘cause you need it- so no all-nighters, okay?”</p><p>Tokiya sighs, but he gives a very short nod. “Okay.”</p><p>“Good.” Ranmaru settles back into a chair. “If you’re not ready ‘t sleep yet, why don’t ya see what’s on what’s on the TV?”</p><p>Tokiya actually enjoys the rest of that night- despite the fact that he’s still hooked up to wires and is in an uncomfortable hospital bed. He learns that cable shows are ridiculous, but watching the shows with Ranmaru is fun. Tokiya would be upset when he starts falling asleep, but by the time that he realizes that he’s close, he’s already asleep. </p><p>Tokiya considers it a blessing when he wakes up and still knows what’s going on. He can’t remember most of the conversation from last night, but he knows Ranmaru. He knows that Ranmaru is going to bring him to their home. He knows that he’s on some sort of medication that’s supposed to help him. </p><p>Ranmaru is actually still asleep in the chair when Tokiya wakes up, but Tokiya entertains himself by watching Ranmaru. </p><p>He doesn’t like the expression that crosses Ranmaru’s face when Ranmaru is aware enough to see Tokiya- it’s cautious. Like he’s preparing himself for a hard conversation. He must not be able to read the recognition in Tokiya’s eyes.</p><p>“Ran?” Tokiya’s throat is sore. When was the last time he had drank water? Ranmaru’s face falls, but it’s out of relief. Tokiya tries to convey his thought by raising his hand to his throat. </p><p>“‘Course.” Ranmaru stands, but he just presses the nurse button on Tokiya’s beside remote. The nurse enters quickly. Ranmaru <i>does</i> give Tokiya a chance to speak, but when Tokiya doesn’t, Ranmaru speaks for him. “He was askin’ for water.”</p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>The nurse is only gone for a moment, back quickly with a cup of lukewarm water. Tokiya doesn’t speak. </p><p>Somewhere in his mind he knows that they’re here to help- but in the frontmost part of his mind… he only trusts Ranmaru. He wants to go home with Ranmaru because he doesn’t know how much he trusts the nurses, that won’t speak to him. The doctors that haven’t visited him. Ranmaru didn’t seem happy with how Tokiya was being treated- so Tokiya wasn’t either. </p><p>Ranmaru notices the way Tokiya doesn’t reach for the water on his table. Tokiya is looking at it- he wants it… but he’s overwhelmed with fear. Distrust. What if they’ve done something to his water? Can he really trust anyone here?</p><p>Ranmaru picks the cup up for Tokiya, bringing it closer to him, and Tokiya glances at Ranmaru’s face, unsure. Tokiya isn’t sure just how much of Tokiya’s thoughts that Ranmaru can read, but he can read enough of them to get an idea. </p><p>“It’s safe, Toki. ‘Ere, look-” Ranmaru lifts the cup. He takes no more than a sip, but he gets his point across when he hands the cup to Tokiya again. Tokiya is slow in taking it, but he does. He watches Ranmaru for a few more seconds but he finally lifts the cup to drink. </p><p>It’s too warm to be satisfying, but it doesn’t stop him from finishing the cup. He stares into the empty paper cup when it’s empty, already wishing for more. It wasn’t cold and there wasn’t enough for Tokiya to be sated. </p><p>“They’ve been pretty… <i>strict</i>... on the water situation.” Ranmaru admits. “The doctor should be in around an hour ‘r so. I’ll check with ‘im ‘t make sure there’s no reason for it, ‘n ‘s long as there isn’t we’ll make sure you get ‘s much water as you want when we’re home, alright?” Tokiya glances down at his lap, a darker expression crossing his face. Ranmaru’s voice gentles. “What’s that face for?”</p><p>“You keep calling it home.” Tokiya says softly. “But I can’t think of anything about it. ...Is it really still <i>my</i> home, if I can’t remember it?”</p><p>“‘Course it is.” Ranmaru’s voice is a bit gruff. “‘N just ‘cause you don’t have any memories there yet doesn’t mean ya can’t make more.” Tokiya looks up in time to see Ranmaru flush some, rubbing the back of his neck. “This is gonna sound real cheesy, so bear with me, yeah? But it doesn’t really feel like home right now fer me, either- but it will when you’re back. If you wanna think of it like that…”</p><p>Tokiya’s expression softens. “I like that.”</p><p>Tokiya reaches out- it’s a bit hesitant, but it isn’t because he doesn’t want it… it still all feels so <i>new</i> and if Tokiya’s feelings weren’t so strong towards Ranmaru he’d have more trouble. It still makes him happier when Ranmaru takes his hand.</p><p>“...What is this medication supposed to do?” A bit of panic flares in the pit of Tokiya’s stomach. “Have you told me?”</p><p>Ranmaru frowns. “I… dunno. I know I’ve told you before what they think it’s gonna do, but I dunno if I told you yesterday ‘r not. But it’s supposed ‘t help you start rememberin’ things. It’s… not gonna be perfect, Toki. You’re still gonna wake up ‘n forget a lot sometimes. But you ‘aven’t been retainin’... anythin’. You’ve got these real vague feelin’s and ideas, but this medicine’s supposed ‘t make it easier for you to remember some stuff.”</p><p>“...So it’s still likely that I’m going to forget you. Even on the medicine.”</p><p>“You might.” Ranmaru’s voice is grim, but his squeeze to Tokiya’s hand is gentle. “But if it works, maybe you’ll remember me, eventually.”</p><p>Tokiya lifts his free hand, bending it awkwardly thanks to the IV in his elbow as he tries to wipe at his eyes with the back of his hand. “I don’t like that. I don’t like knowing I’m going to forget you at <i>any</i> point. ...It’s not hard to think. I don’t understand why it’s hard to remember.”</p><p>“You hit your head real hard in the accident. I don’t understand too much about people’s bodies, ‘sides the fact that they’re real fuckin’ fragile. I don’t think it’s fair either- but ‘s much as I wish that there was somethin’ we can do… I dunno that there is. ‘Sides what we’re doin’ now, I guess.”</p><p>“This must be so hard for you.” Tokiya’s voice breaks. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Yer the one dealin’ with the brunt of it. …’N I hate sayin’ it like this… but it could be worse, on my end. When you first woke up ‘n didn’t know me… fuck, Toki- you haven’t fought me yet when I tell you that we’re married. I was worried you’d want me outta your room. ...I’m still ‘ere for you ‘n you’re lettin’ me be. That’s enough.”</p><p>“Lucky isn’t a strong enough word. I don’t know how I found you.” Tokiya’s next joke falls flat, and his smile doesn’t quite hit it- but there’s an attempt. “Literally.”</p><p>Ranmaru sighs, but he squeezes Tokiya’s hand. “You wanna turn on the TV while we wait for the doctor?” Ranmaru’s voice slips into a grumble. “An hour could mean anythin’ from an actual hour ‘t tonight.”</p><p>Tokiya is a bit nervous while waiting for the doctor- too much to really focus on the show. Or maybe it isn’t necessarily <i>nerves</i>- maybe he’s just anxious to get out of the hospital. Or maybe he’s scared about what happens the next time he wakes up and he can’t remember anything. How many times has he and Ranmaru had the same conversation? Ranmaru <i>must</i> be getting tired and Tokiya wouldn’t even know it. </p><p>“An hour” turns out to mean two- but the doctor comes in with release papers and a prescription. </p><p>Tokiya has shots that he’ll need every other day, and that’s the medication to try to help him start building memories back up. He also has antibodies and painkillers that he’s going to be on for quite some time, because his body really <i>is</i> still healing. With all of Tokiya’s worries about his memory loss, he hadn’t really given the aches in his body much thought. </p><p>He’s led out in a wheelchair- guided by a nurse but pushed by Ranmaru, all the way to Ranmaru’s car. Tokiya isn’t sure if they actually own this car or not. He has no memories of it. </p><p>When Tokiya is in the car, the nurse returns into the hospital with the wheelchair and Ranmaru makes sure that Tokiya’s buckled up before he gets into his side of the car. </p><p>“I wanna grab your meds first- you gonna be okay with that, ‘r do you wanna go lay down first?”</p><p>“I can handle this.” Tokiya murmurs. “...I’d rather be alone for as little time as I can be.”</p><p>Ranmaru grunts in agreement. Luckily, in exchange for Tokiya having to sit upright for a longer time, Ranmaru doesn’t have to leave him at all, going through the pharmacy’s drive through. </p><p>“Do we have a cat?” Tokiya blurts out. His memories were blurry of <i>why</i> he’s asking that question- but there’s something he can’t quite recall that’s making him feel like he’s right. Ranmaru glances at Tokiya as he pulls into the driveway. </p><p>“We do. We’ve got three, actually- but they’re not ‘ere right now.”</p><p>“You didn’t get rid of them, did you?” A heavy wave of guilt floods through Tokiya, because if Ranmaru did get rid of them, it was Tokiya’s fault. He was sure of it. </p><p>Ranmaru parks the car and then gently squeezes Tokiya’s leg, a fair bit above his knee- though his knee itself is sore so Tokiya imagines it was an area he was hurt in. “I didn’t.” Ranmaru assures. “...Y’might not remember Ren, but he’s a close friend ‘a ours. Yours especially- we knew each other as kids, but you ‘n ‘im were in the same band fer a while ‘n you two <i>really</i> clicked. But he took ‘em in for a while. When you’re doin’ better, ‘specially <i>physically</i>, I’ll pick ‘em back up, but for now they’re gonna stay with him.”</p><p>“They’re safe?”</p><p>Ranmaru’s expression twists, and Tokiya can’t quite read it. “They’re safe.” Ranmaru assures.</p><p>Tokiya nods. “Good.” Tokiya manages a flickering smile, not quite looking at Ranmaru. “Now that we’re… <i>home</i>... I’d like some water. Preferably <i>not</i> luke warm.”</p><p>-------------------------------</p><p>Tokiya finds that time passes strangely. Sometimes he knows it’s passing, but other times it almost feels like the days haven’t changed.</p><p>Tokiya wakes up confused the next day. He knows his name. He knows that he’s Tokiya Kurosaki- but there are so many unknowns. </p><p>He doesn’t know where he is. He doesn’t know why he can’t pull up any information. He doesn’t know why his body hurts so badly. </p><p>He doesn’t know who the handsome stranger sleeping on the couch in the living room is. </p><p>Tokiya doesn’t wake him up. He’s nervous. The man is bigger than he is and Tokiya is in pain. He leaves a wide berth between him and the couch, and he starts becoming paranoid. </p><p>At first he assumed that he must live here… but if he doesn’t remember it- does he really? Tokiya starts wondering if he’s broken into this man’s house. </p><p>Tokiya doesn’t want to leave, and that thought alarms him- but with one last look at the stranger, he tells himself that he’s being ridiculous. </p><p>Love at first sight was silly. Tokiya doesn’t know this man. </p><p>...Right?</p><p>Tokiya tries to leave quickly, but he fumbles with the latch and it wakes the man up. </p><p>“Oi-” He slurs, still mostly asleep but rousing quickly. Tokiya’s eyes widen in fear. </p><p>“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to break in- I don’t know how I got here. I’ll leave- please don’t call the police.”</p><p>“Hey, hey, calm down-” The man sits up, holding his hands up as if surrendering. “It’s okay, Toki- you’re not breakin’ in. You’ve got bad memory loss. ‘M your husband. This is our house. You’re safe, okay?”</p><p>Tokiya hesitates, still touching the door but frozen in opening it. “My… husband?”</p><p>“Yeah. ‘Ere, look-” The man, Tokiya’s <i>husband</i>, back tracks to grab a phone from the table in between the wall and the couch. He pulls something up quickly and approaches Tokiya, offering the phone. Tokiya cautiously takes it, but when he looks at it, it’s a wedding picture- it’s clearly him, and the man standing at the altar with him is the man that’s in front of him. </p><p>“You’re… but I don’t… remember…” Tokiya glances between the man and the phone, and his voice breaks before he can steady it. “I don’t even remember your name.”</p><p>“Ran.” Ran frowns. “...Ranmaru, I guess. But y’normally call me Ran.”</p><p>“If we’re married… why… why would you be on the couch?”</p><p>“You’ve got bad memory issues. You panicked seein’ me on the couch.” Ranmaru’s frown deepens. “I didn’t want you not rememberin’ me ‘n freakin’ out wakin’ up in the same bed.” </p><p>Tokiya gets quiet, but Ranmaru has a point. Tokiya thinks he may have freaked out if he had woken up with someone he didn’t know- couldn’t remember, in his bed. </p><p>“...I felt a certain type of way. When I saw you.” Tokiya’s voice is hushed. “I almost didn’t want to leave. ...But I thought I broke in. I was scared to stay.”</p><p>“I’m glad I caught ya ‘fore you left.” Ranmaru’s sigh sounds relieved. “I’ll start leavin’ notes.” Ranmaru promises. “I don’t want you goin’ out ‘n gettin’ yerself hurt.” Ranmaru pauses, searching Tokiya’s face. “...Y’didn’t ask about your name.”</p><p>“I know my name?”</p><p>“Do you?”</p><p>Tokiya goes a bit red at that, but he nods. “I know my name.” His voice is firmer, though it gets almost a bit uncertain when speaks. “Tokiya Kurosaki. ...Right?”</p><p>There’s a largely relieved look on Ranmaru’s face- and it’s such a nice expression, Tokiya thinks. Ranmaru manages a slight smile, a corner of his lips turning up. “You’re right.” He assures. “That’s a real good thing, Toki- you’ve just started some meds ‘t try ‘n help yer memories- this is the first time you’ve remembered yer full name yet. Y’normally only have an idea. This is good.”</p><p>“What kind of medicine?”</p><p>“‘S an experimental kind- but seems like it’s at least workin’ a ‘lil. ...Although speakin’ of it- it’s a shot, but we should probably get that done now.” Ranmaru’s eyebrows furrow when he sees Tokiya’s wide eyes. “Hey, now- don’t give me that look. I’ll make it as fast I can, alright? You’ll barely feel it. I know it sucks, Toki, but it’s worth it. If it works, there’ll eventually be a lot less days where you wake up scared, yeah?”</p><p>“It… it has to be a shot?”</p><p>“Sorry.” Ranmaru’s frown is back. “Unfortunately it’s gotta be. But it’s just a prick- no more IVs ‘r anythin’.”</p><p>“...IVs?” </p><p>“You just got outta the hospital yesterday. ‘S long as everythin’ goes well, you shouldn’t need ‘t go back.” If Ranmaru does or doesn’t believe that statement, Tokiya can’t tell. </p><p>“...So if I take this shot…” Tokiya is speaking carefully. “...It will help me stay out of the hospital?”</p><p>“It should.”</p><p>“...What would make me go back?”</p><p>“...If I think yer in danger. If you’re really freakin’ out ‘n I don’t think I can keep you safe myself.”</p><p>Tokiya swallows hard. “Like if I had left?”</p><p>Ranmaru sighs, his voice grim and quiet. “Yeah.” Ranmaru clears his throat, losing just a bit of the edge his tone had brought on. “But y’didn’t. ‘N I’ll be leavin’ a note from now on, too, ‘t try ‘n stop you from leavin’. ‘S long as it doesn’t get past a close call, I’m not bringin’ you back. I really don’t want to, Toki. I wanna make this work.”</p><p>Tokiya’s nod comes slowly. “...Okay. I’ll… take the shot.”</p><p>---------------------------</p><p>When Tokiya wakes up a few days later, he panics when he wakes up in an empty bed. He sits up, wincing as he does, but he cranes his head to look into the bathroom from the cracked door. The lights are off and the bathroom is empty. Tokiya’s hands tighten into the bedsheets. </p><p>He can’t remember almost anything from beyond right now. </p><p>He knows his name. </p><p>Tokiya Kurosaki. </p><p>He knows that his husband, Ranmaru, isn’t in the room- but where is he? </p><p>Tokiya takes his phone, but his panic only increases when he can’t remember the passcode to get into it. It leaves him with the only other option he can think of- he needs to go look for Ranmaru. </p><p>Ranmaru is awake, but he’s still lying on the couch, still covered by the blanket and laying on the pillow of his makeshift bed. </p><p>Tokiya’s already near tears, and seeing Ranmaru on the couch wasn’t helping. </p><p>Ranmaru has caught Tokiya’s face, noticing the panic- but Tokiya’s eyes catch on the note on the door. Tokiya wasn’t sure that his eyes could widen anymore than they already were, but they somehow, impossibly do- Tokiya can’t read the note, but for a long second he’s afraid that it could possibly be a breakup note. A note left by Ranmaru to tell Tokiya he was leaving- maybe Ranmaru just didn’t have a chance to leave yet…</p><p>But Tokiya can’t remember last night. Maybe <i>he</i> left the note. God, he wouldn’t be <i>that</i> stupid, would he? What if the note was left to tell Ranmaru to sleep on the couch. </p><p>Tokiya was terrible. </p><p>“Toki-” Ranmaru’s voice is careful. </p><p>Tokiya bursts into tears. “I’m sorry- did we fight? I can’t… I can’t remember anything, Ran- I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t tell you anything bad! I don’t want to lose you!”</p><p>Ranmaru’s entire expression softens. He wants to be relieved that Tokiya remembers him, but he can’t yet. Not while Tokiya was having a meltdown. </p><p>Ranmaru is fast to wrap his arms around Tokiya in a hug and Tokiya melts into his grip. “Hey, baby, hey- it’s alright.” Ranmaru’s voice, when talking normally, could be harsh. Sometimes it sounded like he was yelling, even when he wasn’t- but when Ranmaru spoke slowly, his deep, low voice was very soothing, and that’s the tactic he was using now. Ranmaru’s hand runs up and down Tokiya’s back. “We didn’t fight. We’re alright. You ‘n I ‘r fine, Toki.”</p><p>“I love you.” Tokiya whimpers. </p><p>Ranmaru holds Tokiya closer, still being mindful of his healing body but still keeping his grip as tight as he safely can. “I love you, too.” Ranmaru gently cradles the back of Tokiya’s head. “Let’s get you calmed down ‘n I’ll tell you everythin’ okay?”</p><p>Tokiya sniffles, his hands wound tightly in Ranmaru’s shirt. “Please don’t sleep on the couch anymore.” Tokiya’s voice breaks and he can’t help it. “I don’t like waking up in the bed alone.”</p><p>“Alright.” Ranmaru is fast to relent. “No more sleepin’ on the couch.”</p><p>“Ran…” Tokiya’s voice turns hushed. He lifts his head enough to try to scan the living room. “Where are we?”</p><p>Ranmaru’s shoulders slump, just a bit- enough for Tokiya to notice, even though he regains his posture quickly. “We’re home.” Ranmaru’s cheek presses to the top of Tokiya’s head. “You’re safe.” Ranmaru’s promise is a mumble. Tokiya can tell that Ranmaru is being clingier than usual, but he has no idea <i>why</i>. He can’t find anything in him that’s complaining about it. “We’re both alright, Toki. We’re not fightin’ ‘n we’re at home, okay?”</p><p>Tokiya quiets down, just letting Ranmaru hold him. He finally buries his face further into Ranmaru’s shoulder, his voice coming out weak. “I need to sit down.” Tokiya admits. “My body really hurts.”</p><p>“Course. Let’s go sit.”</p><p>Ranmaru leads Tokiya to the couch, though when he tries to push away the blanket, Tokiya catches it and Ranmaru lets him have it. Tokiya gets Ranmaru to sit down on the couch first, albeit a bit hesitantly, but when Ranmaru is sitting Tokiya sits on his lap and pulls the blanket over them. </p><p>“Thought you were sore.”</p><p>“I am.” Tokiya leans into Ranmaru’s chest. “...But there’s a large part of me that thinks that a bit of discomfort is worth being close to you.” Tokiya closes his eyes. “Something happened. ...What happened, Ran? What is that note?”</p><p>Ranmaru’s sigh is heavy, but he’s holding Tokiya to himself as tightly as he dares. “It’s tellin’ you basically what I just told you. You’re home. You’re safe. ‘M your husband, ‘n I’m on the couch ‘cause I didn’t wanna scare you. ‘T wake me up if you want proof that we’re married. Tellin’ you ‘t wake me up ‘fore you try to head outside.”</p><p>“Why…” Tokiya feels uncomfortable. “Why do I need to be reminded that we’re married.”</p><p>A flash of pain crosses Ranmaru’s face. “You were in an accident, ‘bout two months back. ‘Til last week, you’d wake up not even really rememberin’ your name. You got on some meds that ‘ve been helpin’ you start rememberin’ more stuff, ‘n it’s lucky as all hell that you’re startin’ ‘t wake up rememberin’ that we’re married.” Ranmaru’s shoulders slump, but this time it’s out of relief. </p><p>“...Well…” Tokiya’s voice is weak. “Thank God for that medication.”</p><p>“Thank God for the medication.” Ranmaru echoes. </p><p>-----------------------------</p><p>The next time that Tokiya wakes up, he <i>is</i> in bed with Ranmaru- but panic still shoots through him. He sits up, trying to look around, and he reaches out to put his hand on Ranmaru’s arm. His entire body hurts and he doesn’t know why. </p><p>“Toki?” Ranmaru slurs, trying to blink himself awake. </p><p>Tokiya’s panic is poorly concealed and his voice is hushed. “I don’t know where we are.” Tokiya’s grip is just a bit too tight on Ranmaru in his panic. He doesn’t mean to hurt Ranmaru and in the back of his mind he hopes that he isn’t, but he can’t control his grip right now. </p><p>“It’s okay.” Ranmaru’s voice is just a bit more alert now as he sits up, to take Tokiya into his arms to try to calm him. Tokiya clings onto him. “You’re safe.” That rings familiar in Tokiya’s ears. Has Ranmaru been saying that a lot recently? Tokiya can’t remember. He can barely remember anything… “We’re home. We’re in our bed, Toki.”</p><p>“I don’t remember it.” Tokiya whispers. </p><p>“I know, babe. You’ve got bad memory loss- but I promise that we’re okay.” </p><p>“I can’t remember anything.” Tokiya slumps in Ranmaru’s grip. “I can’t remember anything.”</p><p>Ranmaru’s hand runs over Tokiya’s back. “Let’s get you calmed down.” Ranmaru presses a kiss to the top of Tokiya’s head. “Soon as you’re calm I’ll tell you everythin’, alright?”</p><p>--------------------------</p><p>Over the next few months, Tokiya slowly starts building memories. </p><p>It had started with his name. With Ranmaru. </p><p>Eventually he knew his home. He learned his phone code, and Ranmaru’s number. When his body started to heal and they got the cats, he slowly started waking up and remembering their names. When his friends started to visit them, he slowly started to remember them- at first it started with him no longer being afraid of them. At first, he wouldn’t trust anyone that wasn’t Ranmaru. Slowly, he started remembering faces and knowing that he wasn’t in danger when he was around them. </p><p>Then came names- Ren. Otoya. Reiji. Masato. </p><p>Those were the four that visited him the most often. </p><p>He starts to remember very certain things. </p><p>
  <i>”I’m about to make breakfast, Toki.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“Will you make your omelette rice? I’ve been craving it.”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Ranmaru stills, watching him intensely for a long second- until finally he smiles. Tokiya can see some relief in his expression. “Course I will, babe. It’ll be ready in a few minutes.”</i>
</p><p>Tokiya still can’t remember anything that had happened before his accident. He still couldn’t remember anything before he had started taking the medication. It can still be difficult, and he can still take steps back- but he’s slowly starting to build something to fill the empty spots in his life. </p><p>Tokiya’s body is finally healed, but he can remember times where it wasn’t. He can’t remember the exact pain, but he can remember the idea of pain. </p><p>Tokiya doesn’t know this for sure, but his and Ranmaru’s repeated conversations happen far less frequently. Tokiya remembers what Ranmaru has told him the accident was. He no longer needs to ask. When he’s home, there’s no more fear. </p><p>He can move around his home by himself, too. </p><p>It’s during a time where Tokiya hadn’t been actively with Ranmaru when Tokiya decides that he wants to seek Ranmaru out. Tokiya doesn’t remember that yesterday had been a bad step back- but it had. Their repeated conversation had happened heavily yesterday. Tokiya had woken up confused and afraid. He couldn’t remember his home which had been a staple for nearly a month at this point. </p><p>Tokiya hears something in the bedroom, and he’s slow in opening the door. </p><p>Ranmaru jumps when he hears it, but he can’t wipe off his face subtly enough for Tokiya to not notice. </p><p>“Ran?” Tokiya’s voice is soft. It’s almost a bit… scared. Tokiya couldn’t remember ever seeing Ranmaru cry. </p><p>“Shit, sorry- ‘s everythin’ okay, Toki?” Ranmaru’s face is still red and tear-streaked, but his worry over Tokiya prevails over his want to hide the fact that he was crying. </p><p>Tokiya’s lip trembles, seeing Ranmaru’s shiny eyes, and he climbs himself on the bed, holding himself to Ranmaru. </p><p>“Hey, now- I wasn’t tryin’ ‘t make you upset.”</p><p>“I’m not trying to be upset.” Tokiya admits, though he’s already near tears, even as he cuddles closer to Ranmaru. “But you’re allowed to be. Are you okay, Maru?”</p><p>Tokiya isn’t sure when the last time he had used that nickname for Ranmaru. Never, as far as he can remember. But Ranmaru’s throat visibly moves with his swallow and he can’t stop the next round of tears from falling. The way he’s holding Tokiya is almost like a teddy bear. </p><p>“I don’t wanna push anythin’ on you that you can’t handle.” Ranmaru’s voice is strained. </p><p>“You’ve been helping me for months. ...And I think that you’ve been helping me for a lot longer than that, too. You’ve been so strong, Ran. You can rely on me.”</p><p>“I know, Toki. That’s not what I meant.” Ranmaru rests his head against Tokiya’s. Ranmaru breathes out heavily, but in the end, he does speak. “...Yesterday got bad. ...I don’t want you ‘t forget me again.” Ranmaru admits, but Tokiya can tell how close he is to breaking down further. “‘N it wouldn’t be yer fault, but it… it hurt. I’d never give up on you no matter what happens. I’m always gonna be ‘ere to help you through this, but-” Ranmaru breathes out shakily, but it’s clear that he’s having trouble continuing. He finally breaks down crying. </p><p>Tokiya joins him in his crying, holding on tightly to Ranmaru. </p><p>It takes a long minute for Tokiya to calm down, and it takes a moment longer for Ranmaru to finally join him. </p><p>“Can we lay down, Maru?” Tokiya asks softly. Ranmaru gives an almost numb nod. Tokiya had found his way into Ranmaru’s lap, but Ranmaru just manipulates them higher up the bed and lays down, still holding Tokiya tightly. Tokiya cradles Ranmaru’s face, and he swallows hard. His voice shakes but his gaze is unwavering. “I don’t want to ever forget you again, either. But I promise you that even if, Heaven forbid I do- I’ll remember you again.” Tokiya manages a weak smile. “Because memories or no memories, every time I look at you, whether it be for the first time or the millionth, I know in my heart that I am in love with you and I always will be.”</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>